i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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