My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
