I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
