sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
