So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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