Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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