I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
