She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
