Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dick has a subreddit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
