You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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