please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
