i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Houston, we have a blender
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
