I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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