I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
