I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
