Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
