Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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