Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
