the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
