I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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