Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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