so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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