Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
