Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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