no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
