Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
