I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
