he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Less talking, more tequila
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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