Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
