im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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