I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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