dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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