i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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