her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
