I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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