everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
