u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
