I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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