Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
