Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
