my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
