i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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