I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
