pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
