We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
