Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
