wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
