theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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