apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
