The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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