If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
