a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
