So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
