We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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